For one thing, it's fucking hot out. I hate the heat, and to top it off my apartment has no air conditioning. I just have to sit here with my sticky skin, and the worst part is that for some reason the heat affects my libido like crazy. I can't even get through My British Literature Course without having unfeminine thoughts about all the wonderful, attractive, nerdy guys sitting around me, lol.
I was thinking about God, too. Religion has always been so open for me. I just don't know what to be. Or what to beleive. What do I call myself? I believe, truly, that God is female, but I am not crazy about all the Paganist or Wiccan ways. I really beleive in many of the Christian values, but it is also hard when so many are against anything regarding homosexuality, or in my case, Transgenderism. But I love the feeling of love and being spiritual that God can grant us. It's just difficult. We want one thing, and our body tells us another. My friend also thinks that I like the idea of Christianity better because it makes me feel better about being more involved in my...what's the word...I don't know.
And, as for fear, I am terrified because I am failing two of my courses. Science and Brit Lit. I am trying so hard, but I keep getting E's on my papers, and I can't seem to pass any of my tests. I don't know what's wrong, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. What fi I get kicked out of my major? What if I lose everything?
Was it weird to write about being horny and God in the same post?
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